Micah’s Milestone

I can’t believe it. My baby is turning 18 in a few days.  I don’t think I was prepared for the mix of emotions it would be having him hit this milestone.

I should back up.  When I was his age, he was growing inside me.  He changed me as a person.  I was now responsible for this tiny being, and I had no idea the impact he would have on me.

I spent the first few years of his life growing up with him.  Figuring out how to pay bills, cook, and understanding little things (like how insurance works).  All while, working, caring for him, and maintaining a home.

He was everything I needed, but wasn’t ready for.  I didn’t understand people wanting kids before I had him.  Once I had him I finally got it.  I had him and watched my heart and soul grow legs and have it’s own heartbeat.

I’ve made my share of parenting mistakes, but he has always forgiven me. He was the first to teach me what unconditional love truly is.  I remember when I was crying after his Dad and I went our separate ways.  I was crying on the floor and Micah found me, I turned and said I was sorry…I felt terrible for not making it work. Of course I wanted my children to have both of their parents in the same household.  I was scared for everything that was going to change.  It was Micah’s little 9 year old self who hugged me and said it’s ok, you can do this.

I’ve spent the last 18 years trying to give him the tools to manage his way through adulthood.  I pray and hope he understands what it means to be an adult male.  I know he will make some mistakes, but as a parent you always worry about what you can’t plan for.  Like what type of mistakes will happen.  I just have to trust he will do his best to make good decisions, and surround himself with good people.

I can’t protect him from everything.  I hope he knows I am his #1 fan, and love him more than he will ever know.

Happy 18th Micah!!  I love the young man you have become!

Dance Diva

So for Kennedy we started something new. Dance. Words can’t express how out of place I felt in this dance studio of well postured people.   After having boys and a little girl who only loves the soccer field, this. is. so. incredibly. different.

Kennedy, I think sensed how I was feeling. When we walked in, I was so overwhelmed with all the kids and tutus….she told me to hold her hand that I would be ok.

She of course did fantastic. I on the other hand was stuck in the hallway watching from a window with two ladies who were getting their first dose of adult interaction of the day..

One of my first posts in a while that isn’t laced with sarcasm. I’m just incredibly proud of my baby girl.

Toddlers are Assholes

Yep, I said it.  Toddlers are assholes.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE kids….especially toddlers.  I love that there is no more authentic and honest human being in the world than a toddler.  That being said, when I am the one who has to work through their antics….I’m over it.

I, like most expecting parents, had this vision of my exceptional child who would be the poster child for how marvelous children can be.  Unlike these whiny, non-compliant children other folks birthed. I’m sure you can see how well that worked out.

I realized after a while I must have blocked out how much toddlers can truly be assholes.  No matter how many toddlers I come in contact with…I am frequently still shocked at how truly self-centered these little beings can be.

My now 2 year-old son reminds me frequently. For example, when he is done eating he decides to keep his last bite in his mouth and chew it for about an hour, and then when he is done I can find the remaining food randomly in my house somewhere. Or, after sitting on the potty for 25 minutes he announces he is “done”.  I can put him in the bathtub where he decides to poop. Did I mention his sibling has been in the tub with him?  Which leads to a tsunami of kids crying and yelling as they try to get away from the floating terd.

My child who I envisioned becoming the inventor of something great, thinks the most hilarious thing in the world is when farts on his sister…*sigh*….

I will end with a post I wrote on my facebook page back in January, I had already forgotten about this incident…but feel it’s better other people know what parenting truly is like some days:

“I’m going to take a minute to admit sometimes parenting isn’t amazing. There are times it’s absolute bullshit. For example, when you are at soccer and you tell your 1 year old to sit down, and he doesn’t then starts choking on the bribe you gave him (he needed to get off the soccer field). So he scares the shit out of you. Then calmly stops choking..looks at you. Then vomits down your leg. So, you leave soccer because you carry extra clothes for HIM…not yourself. As I then try not to die driving home because I am holding my breath (and leaning towards the cracked window for the little air I can take)..he’s in the back seat playing and singing. All I am thinking is this asshole has some nerve. Finally we make it home and as I delicately try to get in the house in an effort not to let my leg touch anything, my spawn then trips me up so my leg has now touched everything. But if parenting has taught me anything..it’s taught me true love. As he looks and says, ” I sowwy”..I can’t help but smile, laugh, and tell him I love him”

The moment you realize YOU are part of the problem

WOW! So much has changed since I last decided to write.

First off, I’m no longer a stay at home mom! I am back WORKING, as if staying home wasn’t working, but now I actually get paid with benefits (score!!)!

I have missed writing, but between life and all the serious things going on in the world I took a break. Today I realized I need to get back to it.  Part of the reason I blog is so that I can be honest about what real life is like with family/kids. My sister posted a picture on instagram a few days ago.  It was a “selfie”, that showed the how life has changed with a baby (in the picture there were toys on the floor/diapers/etc.), her captions read:

planet_rathe interesting realities of life these days … by a thursday: shoes and toys everywhere; box of pampers that needs to be returned; toilet paper to be stored. but, walk out the door like we are hella organized …. lol #mommylife #noworries #lifeofRAI

I chuckled when I saw the picture, and didn’t think twice.  We all have been there.  Today she made a post on facebook, because her partner received a text from his friend telling him that my sister needs to clean up before posting a selfie.  Ummm, oh hell no.

In her comments on facebook she said something about how my house is always clean. I almost died laughing as I was sitting there in a mess of clothes that were being folded, a water bottle randomly at my feet (I still don’t know who’s that is), toys were everywhere, and random items were all over… but the reality is she only thinks that because of what I LET her see.

It got me thinking, why do I obsess over my house.  She’s right though, I generally do obsess about trying to make my house “perfect”.  I know part of the reason my house tends to be clean is because I really am an asshole to my family about it, therefore they attempt to help keep it up.  My mother in law also expects a clean house, and she visits a lot.  I’m sure the thought of her son marrying someone who can’t keep a clean house would drive her insane.  After a while, it hit me that she probably thinks that way because her son is messy as hell.  She probably cleaned up after him his whole life and is worried he won’t make it without someone to help (sorry babe if you are reading this).  I swear a clean sink is a calling card for men to shave their face….but I digress..

Seriously though, families have enough going on.  Folks need to stop passing judgment and mind their own damn business.  If something is unsafe for kids, do your best to be helpful…but I will be damned if some dude tries to tell me to clean up.

Anyhoo, I’m back! I have a lot of ideas, and will be posting more soon!

My how things have changed….

So it has been a good while since I have been able to “write” on here (I use the term write loosely, as I think it’s an insult to people who have a craft in writing). There was definitely a “down” point for me. I had a few surgeries that set me back. WAY back. That being said I am here a couple (several) months later finally healthy!

A few things changed. One main point? I’m back working! Although there are many benefits, it has been a huge adjustment. One main positive? I have re-established a connection with my critical thinking skills (I was totally worried I would no longer have those, at home when I say I said so….there is nothing to discuss). Although, I was so happy for the time at home (I got the chance to enjoy a few hobbies! Who knew I’d love photography?), I am grateful for the chance to be out of the house.

It truly is a double-edged sword though. Being out of the house doesn’t come without adjustments. My issue when I was working before, and the issue I am finding again is having time to myself. My days are long, and finding any time to do anything for myself is extremely difficult. So for now if I can get 5 hours of sleep, I consider that a success. I will just celebrate the simple success.
The other problem is I miss my kids terribly. Or I at least miss the option of getting them early from school for that extra time. Or early mornings with my girls, where we can spend extra time on picking out the perfect “dress”, and I can have their hair fabulous before school. *sigh*

Life is full of adjustments and changes, and I look forward to blogging again!

Dear Post Partum

Yep, Post Partum pregnancy is when all your crazy comes out. Anything that you normally wouldn’t say or ask of people you will blurt out with no regard. I cried more the 2nd week after I gave birth than I did my entire pregnancy. I was also informed by both my husband, his doctor, and a barbershop full of men that it is completely irrational to ask your husband to get a vasectomy just to call things even. I figured I had a tubal, shouldn’t he never be able to have kids in life again? Go figure.

Can someone explain what you are supposed to wear that looks nice when you are no longer pregnant, but jelly belly is in full effect? I mean I am working on dropping the weight, but I am not dropping it yet (I get I’m only 4 weeks out, but things are so much slower after a C-section)!! Jeesh..
The plus side is I get to cuddle my newborn which makes all the craziness worth it..

Tribute to my Fallen Tubes

After 34 years, and 5 children I decided to tie my tubes. I figured since I was having a C-section it made sense to do it while I was already open on the table. Although I am well aware it was time to be done having children, I can’t help but grieve my tubes. I know it sounds crazy, but I was really sad to say goodbye. We had been through a lot together (my fallopian tubes and I).
It’s one thing when I say I no longer will have kids, but it’s a whole different feeling when I realize I CAN’T have any more children. During one of my more medicated dramatic moments I’m sure I yelled out to my husband that I feel like I lost my womanhood. Which he did NOT at all understand (but honestly that’s what I still kind of feel like).
The reality is if money wasn’t an issue I’d have more kids…which I know is crazy, but I love having children with my husband and watching the kids play with all their siblings.

Good-bye tubes, you helped me with 5 great kids and for that I will be grateful.

HE IS HERE!!!

After what felt like years, our little baby boy is here. His entrance didn’t come without some stubbornness (a trait that he no doubt got from his father). For my last baby, I had to have my first C-section…go figure. Although that wasn’t my first choice, I have to say I couldn’t be happier that he is here and thus far healthy. I will say women who have labored and THEN had a C-section have mad respect from me. I can’t imagine putting my body through the pains of laboring only have to recover physically from a section. For all the people who offered me advice I took it. I didn’t respond great to the surgery, but I at least knew to listen to my doctors. Once I’m a little less medicated I will have some new posts about the joys of post partum.

The end is near…

I am officially down to my last few days of ever being pregnant again in life. Which is kind of weird. I’ve been pregnant in my teens, 20’s, and 30’s (yep, I was a teen mom for those of you that didn’t know). Pregnancy is something I know well (for not being in the medical field). That being said, I look forward to life after pregnancy (hello belts, and pants that button shut!).
I’m finally going to meet my little guy, although I will be having my first C-section (and let me just say I’m absolutely terrified of that..control freaks and surgery don’t mix)…I know his birthday in advance! I am also able to do some pre planning. The down side is I think my youngest can sense she will no longer be the baby. She has turned clingy and mean. Screaming out “My MOMMY” at any chance she gets.

Soon the real fun begins. The realization of a new life in our house, juggling schedules, figuring out life, working with small kids to adjust to another person, and most likely a follow up blog about C-sections.

Hopefully I can post some news about our newest addition soon! I will keep you posted.

Annoyed, bothered, and beyond irritated.

I am officially in my 9th month of pregnancy. It doesn’t matter how many kids I have had, nothing prepares you for the discomfort of the last few weeks. Even seeing my doctors face makes me want to roundhouse drop kick her, for no other reason other than I know she has the ability to put me out of misery and won’t. My older kids are getting a good lesson in independence, since they all have a kitchen full of food they can cook it themselves. I dare grown dummies to say something to me, feelings will get hurt.

This little boy is officially big enough that it HURTS when he moves around. So I have taken to my bed and will come out when it is time to deliver. I will even admit I cry once a day, although the end is so close it seems so very far away. So basically my only update is I’m tired and annoyed. I’m looking into every home remedy, but the reality is I’m scared to take anything. I just want to hold my baby boy and get my body back to being mine.